Posts Tagged ‘golf jokes’

Top Ten Signs It’s Too Cold for Golf

1. Even with Mr. Rogers and Martha Stewart in your group, you still don’t feel warm and fuzzy.

2. You have to wear the visor with the plaid, woolen ear flaps.

3. Your hands feel warmer when they toch a witch’s breast.

4. Your cart sinks when it hits an iceberg.

5. It’s hard to read a putt with Tammy Faye Baker icicles on your eyelashes.

6. It drops below the temperature of an IRS agent’s heart.

7. When you fell through the ice, you realized taking a divot on a frozen pond wasn’t such a hot idea.

8. You’re trapped by snow in the course’s restaurant, ominously named the Donner Party Grill.

9. The greens are groomed by a Zamboni.

10. Your balls are blue!

A Golf Joke……

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying:”God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.” 

The father asked, ‘Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?’

The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”

The next day the grandmother died.

“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”

He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?” 

 He said “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”

She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”